I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
I'm not short, I'm fun-sized.
My bed and I love each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
I put the 'pro' in procrastination.
Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
The early bird can have the worm, I’ll sleep in.
My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.